


Unloaded

by johnson_justice (essence_of_annoying)



Category: That Guy with the Glasses/Channel Awesome
Genre: Cunnilingus, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Gunplay, Oral Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, TGWTG Kink Meme, probably the dirtiest thing ive written but i love it, takes place at the end of old vs new cinderella
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:53:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21754810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/essence_of_annoying/pseuds/johnson_justice
Summary: I was perusing that old TGWTG kink meme and found this: "Hyper Boner, with Hyper giving a blowjob to Devil Boner's dick gun and him eating her out in return."And I'm not gonna turn down an excuse to write some nice balanced OTP fun, no?
Relationships: Devil Boner/Hyper Fangirl





	Unloaded

**Author's Note:**

> guess who's back!!! writing basically pointless porn because i'm starved for ideas otherwise lol.

The credits began to roll on _Ever After,_ and despite her instincts as a devoted Marvel fangirl to stick around until they were done, Hyper could _not_ hesitate any longer. She and Devil Boner had been on edge for the whole two hours, on one hand engaged in the historical drama and period-typical violence, but on the other hand constantly distracted by each other. They'd been flirting throughout the movie- she'd boop him with her wand, he'd tug gently on her scarf- but once they saw Critic and Benny nodding off a bit, they got a little raunchier.

I mean, it was hard not to get these thoughts. The guy had a gigantic gun strapped to his penis.

When Danielle threatened a lech with his own sword, Hyper had _known_ Devil Boner was excited at the violence, probably picturing his own skullcrusher wielding a sword in self-defense (or wielding a little _something else_ in her grip). His eyes bulged and he licked at the corner of his mouth and Hyper could have sworn she heard a cock from his gun cock. In response, Hyper had slyly run her finger down the barrel, glancing between the action onscreen and her boyfriend's barely-repressed grunts of pleasure. She'd spent the rest of the third act crawling like a horny sloth onto her turtle dove's lap, eventually leaning against him and just making out, foregoing the movie watching experience to just bask in each other's warmth.

But goddammit, neither of them could stand just kissing for very long, especially with Hyper rubbing up against his phallic gun, not even to be a tease but because she truly could not help herself. And it clearly had driven Devil Boner crazy, with his hand on the back of her head pulling at her hair tighter and tighter with each goosebump-inducing nudge. He could feel _everything_ through that gun. It was very hard not to shoot.

She wanted him. He wanted her. So they bolted to Critic's bedroom, following the mental map in Hyper's head from years of breaking and entering, and sucked face way harder than they would in front of Benny. (They didn't mind so much if Critic watched, though his shouting was a bit distracting.) Devil Boner, a bit exhausted from his fight but nevertheless eager for what he considered a reward, lay back on Critic's pillow. His short girlfriend kneeled before him, still running her hand down Johnson Justice.

"I want you so bad, lemon pie," Hyper whined at her leather-clad lover.

"You wanna fuck?" The gunman growled in pleasure. "Right on this wuss's bed?"

Hyper shook her head and flashed a fervid smile. "I don't even wanna wait to get naked. I'll just work with what I have. I know you were raring to shoot off Johnson Justice tonight, anyway." She slipped her hand down the gun and massaged the testicular magazine, and gave a playful flick of the tongue.

Devil Boner sucked in his teeth and yelled, " _Hell_ , yes!"

Hyper giggled, then shushed him. "Don't want Benny to find us. Not after you just started getting along." She crouched down a bit, her face right in front of his gas cylinder (despite this loading mechanism presumably not being gas-operated, but operated by a sticky liquid). "And Critic would totally kill the moment too, he gets super uncool about people breaking into his room."

"Forget those chumps. Their guns are _way_ smaller anyw- _ohhhh._ "

Done with conversation, Hyper had already started her tongue at the bottom of the gun, lapping it along like a reckless chameleon. The closer she got to the tip, the more involved her lips got, and the barrel settled nicely in between her breasts. Her eyes darted between the weapon and the man attached to it, offering "Hmm?"s to check that she was doing this right. All the while, Devil Boner lay back moaning, gripping Critic's sheets, unable to muster up detailed conversation beyond "yeah, right there, right there" and "god you're so good." The more validation she got, the more playful she got, with broader licks and more motion. She turned her head to tease Devil Boner in all sorts of ways, making out with his prized possession like it was nothing.

Her mouth made it to the top, and before she put her lips on, Devil Boner snapped out of his stupor and held out a hand. "Wait, wait," he asked, "you want safety on or nah?"

"Uh, is it loaded?" As great a way to go as it would be, Hyper didn't want to get her throat blown out by her boyfriend's bullets tonight. 

"Oh, it's _loaded._ " He tapped the bed frantically. "Kind of feels better to _unload_ it, though, but I don't wanna--"

"You know, you literally saved my life today," Hyper conceded. "Just warn me before you shoot and I'll leave the safety off."

Devil Boner beamed. "I love you so much."

And with that, Hyper cocked the gun, puckered up and began sucking the tip. She kind of liked the challenge seeing how far she could get the barrel down her throat, and the danger added to the thrill. She tried rolling her tongue inside the barrel, but came up with specks of gunpowder on her tongue, which she spit out onto the bed. But it was all worth it to watch her boyfriend squirm with excitement.

Devil Boner's shadowed eyes turned back into his head as he sweat all over Critic's sheets, even more than he had sweat during the fight. He clenched his jaw and gripped the sides of the bed, trying so, _so_ hard not to set the gun off too early. His best chance was to turn away, to not watch her in action, with her eyes full of determination and her soft mouth smothering the weapon as if to say, _I'm the only one badass enough to take you. I'm not scared of anything._ He sensed a part of her was always a little wary about pleasuring him, and the gun only made it more cumbersome at times, but she enjoyed the adventure. She'd regaled him with quite a lot of stories about how she made do before she had a boo. ("I mean, if you're going to fantasize about a _Harry Potter_ lemon, you kind of _have_ to use a broomstick, you know? It's an _immersive_ _experience_.")

It was more rewarding than it would have been to just shoot Benny dead in the mouth with it. That's what he loved about Hyper. She brought more than violence and fighting into his life. She put her own special spin on it all. 

Watching Devil Boner all hot and bothered just made Hyper hot and bothered, and the tingles down her spine distracted her a couple times from her fellatio. Soon enough she was moaning herself. She wrapped both hands around the barrel jacket and pushed it further down into her throat, only relenting for her own gag reflex. 

"You can stop if you want, babe," Devil Boner reminded her.

"No, I got this!" she snapped. She had an honor to defend.

"No, like, you should probably stop soon," He couldn't take it much longer. "Babe, I gotta blow!"

Quickly, Hyper slipped her mouth off the gun, though her hands still clutched the barrel jacket so she could aim it away from her face. Devil Boner threw his head back and let loose. Four gunshots boomed through the house, three breaking through the wall and one shattering the corner of Critic's mirror. 

Hyper adjusted her tiara in the splintered remains of the mirror. She aimed to maintain her regal sensibility, even after fellating her boyfriend until he destroyed her kinda-ex-boyfriend's property. She then turned back and rubbed Devil Boner's thigh. "Good shot!" she cooed.

He breathed heavily. "Thanks, rusty knife. I was holding that one in for a while."

"I can see that." The tip of his gun leaked a bit of powder onto her chest and stomach. Irked, Hyper brushed it off. That powder had a tendency to stick to her chest for days. 

Devil Boner wasn't one to give up so easily on the physical, though. He sat himself up, shook himself off, and asked, "Alright, you did such a good job, you oughta get something in return. So just say the word, and--"

Hyper whipped around, eyes sparkling, with her command in mind. "Eat my pussy."

Devil Boner smile and nodded. "Thought so," he whispered. Hyper clapped rapidly, then shuffled up her shiny blue skirt.

Now it was Hyper's turn to lie back in Critic's bed. She grabbed a pillow to lie on and spread her legs. At some point before, she would have basked in his smell, but now she was only focused on one thing: the ruffled-haired ruffian kneeling on the floor, the upper half of his body crawling back on the bed. And luckily, his musk was a bit stronger than Critic's from all the smoke and sweat, so the Devil Boner scent was overpowering the Critic scent, which was probably poetic in some way.

Devil Boner yanked her underwear off so fast, Hyper was afraid he ripped it in two. (He'd done that before.) Devil Boner was less into foreplay, and more about getting to the action. In their previous adventures with cunnilingus, he'd suck directly on her clit from the get-go and nearly send her into shock, but after getting to know her and her body for the past several months, he'd gotten a much better handle on things. He still kept a quick pace, but he at least built things up a _bit._ The sexiest part was less the actual eating-out and more about how he listened to her.

He'd spread her vulva with his thumbs and had his mouth over her labia, digging his tongue down her slit, all while grabbing her thighs and looking right up to her eyes, hoping to hear he was doing good. Hyper pet his pointy hairdo, in the process pushing him closer towards where they both wanted him to be. At one point she swore she felt a tiny nip on her labia. "Babe, did you bite me?"

He popped out from between her knees. "I was trying something, but if you hate it, I could easily just...not."

She thought for a second and shrugged. "I mean...I didn't _hate_ it. I'll think about it."

And back down he went, making Hyper twitch and squeal as he ate her out, her legs clamped around his shoulders so tight she was glad he had shoulder pads. She complimented him the same way he'd complimented you- "Yes, yes, keep going, you're so good, you're so powerful, I love you so much, my sweet baby kitten-mush." By the time he made it back to her clit, she could not hold it in, and unlike him, she didn't risk murdering him if she came a bit early.

She hugged her pillow tight and cried out in glee. Devil Boner felt his girlfriend's quivers and came back to the surface, grinning, Johnson Justice still at full mast. Hyper silently beckoned for him to lie next to her. As soon as he did, she hugged him from the back.

"I take it you got there fine," he checked.

"Mmm-hmm," she said, her usual hyperactivity having taken a step back for post-coital serenity. "I got there and, like, beyond. Like the Willy Wonka glass elevator. Just, _pshooooh,_ breaking through the ceiling."

"You are so good with words." 

He turned to kiss her. He tasted like pussy and she tasted like rusted metal and gunpowder, but they were too enamored to notice.

Hyper's eyes lit up with a realization. "Wait, how are we gonna hide this all from Critic?"

Devil Boner shrugged. "Burn the room down?"

Hyper smiled at her amoral lover. "Sounds like a plan to me!"

And back to kissing they went.


End file.
